This is a personal blog, nothing here should be confused as medical advice.


August 24th 2020

It was one week ago today I made my terrified first step into workouts.

I worked out for two days…

Then the guides yanked me onto other things for the rest of the week.

This has been a pattern for the last year with my stories, and it makes me crazy! I spent every single day, literally begging them to let me do a workout, but I kept getting back, have faith.

It’s so scary to have started something, especially something I have such a hard time committing to in the first place, then to be pulled back. I have to be honest, though, this time, with the workouts, it felt different. I have felt purpose in the hold on for one moment.

Maybe it’s because my commitment shifted. Maybe for the first time I really meant it. Maybe they were testing my commitment.

Who actually knows, but this past week has been this weird vibe of let’s pull it all together so we can actually do this right, and I don’t hate that.

Now, here we are one week later, and in that week not a single workout. BUT I have a whole new website for the spiritual AND fiction, with the spiritual site having a section where I can actually help people if they want my kind of help, I have a brand new story to tell, and I have a schedule that will support all of it!

Plus, the entire week, old me would have been like – phew, got out of those workouts again… this me, the one that made this commitment last week, only wanted to get back to it. I’m different for that commitment I made, the shift I made inside me, and that shows me that this is really about to happen!

I’m more terrified now than ever!

Mostly kidding.

I mean, it’s not really fear.

There’s some “what if I fail” going on, but mostly, I’m ready, I want this. And I’m truly hoping this is me moving into new territory where what I’ve been working towards, finally comes together.

Fitness Vlog

Slaying vanity and ego… this vlog is raw, unedited, and completely, unbearably, vulnerable.

This is a personal blog, nothing here should be confused as medical advice.

workout Musings & Tracking

Below are just sort of my notes for how the workouts are going, and tracking how much weight I’m lifting.

Liift 4

I think I learned today that I need to do Joel first. I did a yoga and Cize first, and by the time I got to Joel, I was fatigued and it showed. I decided to continue the workout anyway, because I knew if I stopped, I wasn’t going back to it today, and this workout is the most important one to me. So I did two rotations instead of three in each set, I dropped the Hiit component altogether, and I did the core.

All in all, great workout, but I need to revisit the schedule and the intensity some, now that I’ve added the other workouts alongside this.


First day of Cize and I’m on the fence.

I loved the program and I love Shaun T… but I found my knees didn’t like this program as much. I was able to modify enough to cater to my knees, but I find myself wondering if I’m better off to go back to Country Heat as my cardio for the time being. In part because of the knees, but also in part because this isn’t the only workout I’m doing in a day and it’s pretty intense for me at this point and I don’t want to be worn out after I do it. I just want to feel pushed to my limits… not passed them.

I really am trying to be smart about all this. This commitment isn’t my lifelong fitness commitment, it’s 4 months to try to really push the dial. So while I need to push myself, I need to protect myself at the same time. Anyway, I’ll know more after meditation tonight, but there’s probably a bit of a switch up coming.


I didn’t get to my longer yoga today because youngest kid had a super bad headache and I let her lay in my bed to chill.

overall thoughts

In a weird way, this is like day one… again. And it was definitely a better test of the idea of dedicating whole days to multiple workouts. All in all, I’m tired and stiff as I write this and I imagine that will get worse tomorrow. However, guides are currently thinking that my doing a two days on/two days off schedule for the time being is the way to go. So I’ll focus just on workouts for two days, then go to life and writing for two days while I’m the most sore. I think overall this should work well, but we’ll see how I feel about that by week’s end. Also, I know there are a few more tweaks to the schedule coming tonight in meditation, so we’ll see what tomorrow brings.


Just for fun!

We have another great salad recipe from @saltandlavender

This one is an avocado + bacon + spinach salad with a delicious honey mustard dressing.

I don’t know about you, but a good honey mustard dressing is one of my favorite things! I can put it on nearly everything.

This dressing perfectly complements the crispy bacon and avocado. The recipe is quick and easy to throw together on a warm evening, which here in Florida, we’re having a LOT of right now.

The entire recipe is located here. Give it a try and enjoy!

The Reason I do this

I’m making myself write something in this section every day.

I think any time you do a major overhaul on a life habit, you need to do the mental work first. Our mind is the most complicated thing in existence, and having it on our side is imperative in any undertaking.

I’ve done the mental healing on this subject of weight and body over the past decade. Now I just need to engage myself and forge new habits… but why bother?

Punta Cana.

I’m reasonably certain that by the year 2023, I’ll be living in Punta Cana. It’s where I intend to set up “home base”, and when I think about living here, when I think of the physical hurdles to moving… to another country! I know that I need to up my health game, or I won’t ever do it.

When I think of living in the D.R., I think of swimming in lagoons, of traversing a cloud forest for crying out loud! And being in the rain forest, this country fascinates me, it’s got one of the most perfect and beautiful landscapes in the world and there’s SO much I want to see and experience… and I have to be fit to do it!

And so I will be.

For today, that’s why I’m doing this. Why I’m sore and tired. And why I’m getting up tomorrow to do it all over again!