This entire year for me is going to be about unbearable vulnerability, so let’s be frank… money sucks!
We are one of those – do we pay the lights or eat this month? – kind of families.
That’s my truth.
So in committing to this challenge, I had to rise above the biggest hurdle I have, wondering whether or not there would be food in the house to see it through.
You see, this has been my lifelong situation. As a teen, where all my food issues began, it was because we didn’t have enough money for food and often there simply wasn’t any. Take that baggage into adulthood and you have kids yourself, well I wasn’t going to eat food my kids needed… so again, I didn’t eat. And so on and so on.
Healing the psychological damage from all this was a lengthy process, but I can honestly say, it’s healed. However, I put on the bulk of my weight, by not eating, so I know the only way to take this weight off, is to feed my body regularly. Problem is, I never know if we’ll be able to afford that or not, so that’s been a HUGE part of the reason why I’ve just contentedly stayed fat. I don’t want to start something I can’t finish. So I just keep this area of my life on the backburner indefinitely.
Because I can’t afford to get thin.
Yes, I know, to many that sounds like a cop out, but I assure you it isn’t. And I am writing about this honestly because I know I’m far from the only one to experience this. I want those of you in this with me to know you aren’t alone and we’ll figure this out. For those of you who have no clue what I’m talking about, I would hope you’d perhaps widen your world view a bit to understand that, here in America, this thing we call “food insecurity” is very real and messes with people’s lives in countless ways.
Poverty in this country is widespread and mostly overlooked. And now, with so many losing work and businesses, we’re about to see a shift into poverty most of us never imagined. I think we should talk about that, share the fear and the hope in it, because I assure you, there is both.
But for now, let me just say, the biggest concern I personally have with moving forward on this commitment to lose weight is that I’m not sure how food pans out for me.
I’m never sure.
What I am, though, is a woman of faith. I see God provide for my needs all the time. I live in extreme gratitude for my life and will always do so. Therefore, the shift I need to make here, is to simply step out on that faith and trust that God has my back in this.
So, in that vein…
God, I’m declaring it, I’m losing this weight. I’m nourishing this body and I’m changing my health and fitness levels so that I can more fully honor this life. So that I can travel and connect with more people. So that I can find the great romantic love I’ve been promised. So that I can give back to my family and friends. So that I can join in instead of excusing out. I’m so grateful for my life and I am committing to this journey, trusting you to provide food and whatever else I may need to succeed. For we are truly partners in this life, and I’m stepping up now. I know you’ll show me the way.
My commitment is made, my faith is engaged, and from here… I just do what I promised to.
Blessings to you, wherever you are on your journeys.